Pre-Planning
Q: I would like a visitation when I die but my husband Chad is absolutely opposed to it. Is there a right or wrong about it?
A: The innocence of children teaches us so much. Young children are very open about their feelings. Even if they have only had a pet for a few years they cry openly when it dies. They will spend time petting the dead animal, talking to it and even holding it after it has passed away. Veterinarians know first hand how much the death of a pet impacts a family and allow a family to spend as much time as they need to with their dead pet. If this is the way children handle the death of a pet they have known for only a few years, should it be any less for a parent they have known and loved all their life? Of course not! Sometimes we over think things. Sometimes we think we would be saving our children money and grief by not allowing them to spend time with us when we pass away. Adult children need closure just like little children. If you are open to it, consider leaving this decision to your children. If you are not open to this, consider the fact that if they want to spend time with you after you die or want to have a service, they are doing it because they loved you and can't bear the thought of being without you.
Q: I often imagine what my funeral will be like. Is that normal?
A: Yes. Imagining your own funeral service can actually be a useful exercise. Acknowledging that death is inevitable can help you focus on what's important in life. Thinking about your funeral can show you what will matter at the end of life, so that you can act accordingly now. These thoughts are only dangerous if you become obsessed with the act of dying, rather than the goal of living a life that will bring people to your funeral (Dr. Daniel Amen, a psychiatrist and brain imaging specialist, the author of Preventing Alzheimer's).
Q: What happens if I move after making pre-arrangements at your funeral home?
A: Your funeral arrangements can be transferred to another funeral home anytime you move. We may even be able to recommend a funeral home in your new community. Through pre-arrangements, you can be sure that your wishes will be honored wherever you may live.
Q: What if I die away from home?
A: If you are traveling or visiting another city when death occurs, contact Malcore Funeral Home immediately. We will make the necessary arrangements with a funeral home in that area to assist with the transfer.
Q: Is it necessary to prepare a last will and testament?
A: It is a mistake to believe that only the wealthy need a will. Actually, low and middle income families; or families with small children have the most difficulty when a loved one dies without a will.
It is always best to seek the advice of an attorney in reference to legal matters surrounding a death. If you do not have an attorney, most local bar associations have a referral service that can help you find a reputable one (referenced from "Decisions").
At the time of death
Q: What should we do when a friend or family member has died?
A: The first thing you should do is take a deep breath and not panic. If the individual died in a nursing home setting or hospital, simply let the nurse know that you will be working with Malcore Funeral Home. They will contact us to come to the hospital when the family is ready.
If the individual died at home and was under the care of hospice, simply notify the hospice nurse that Malcore Funeral Home will be serving your family and they will take the proper steps to notify us.
If your loved one has died at home and wasn't under the supervision of a hospice nurse, simply call the Medical Examiners Department. Once they have been contacted, the person on duty will come to your home or apartment and will notify us when you are ready for us to take the body back to the funeral home.
Q: What will happen next?
A: Once we have arrived at the location where your loved one has passed away we will have of the family:
- Would you like to see your loved one again? In other words, would you like to have a traditional service (visitation and funeral) with an open casket?
- Is there a church that the person belonged to?
- We will also want to set up a time to meet with the family to complete funeral arrangements.
Another important item that we will request you bring is a photo. A recent photo is preferred, but it can be any photo, black and white or color. The deceased does not have to be the only one in the photo, and professional photos are best. We will be scanning the image from the photo, and no harm will be done.
It may also be a good idea to bring in the person's Social Security card. We will need this number to complete the death certificate and file a form with Social Security notifying them of the death.
Q: What type of funeral do most people choose?
A: Most people prefer a traditional funeral with a visitation in either the funeral home or church followed by a service. However, we offer a number of different choices to make the service meaningful to you. Memorial services, cremation, military or fraternal tributes are just a few of the options we may available. We try to honor any special preferences or requests.
Q: Why do people talk about closure when it comes to dealing with death?
A: Death ends a life, not a relationship. Coming to terms with the death of a family member is extraordinarily difficult and a lifelong experience. Parents may discuss ways to lessen the impact their death will have on their family. Ideas of no visitation or no funeral may be considered but clergy will acknowledge that this will not lessen the pain or consolation you will receive following the death of a loved one. Love will come from your closest friends that come to pay their respects and want to be there for you at this difficult time. Coming to terms with a family members death (closure) allows you to continue your life knowing that the spirit of your loved one will live on inside of you forever.
Q: Do many families use your lunch room at your west side location for funeral dinners?
A: Our lunch room has been extremely well received. In the past couple of years we have had to expand the room, which now accommodates over 100 people! Food choices are selected at our funeral home off the menu's from various catering services in Green Bay. Food is brought and served hot after the funeral is completed. Food can also be cooked at home by family or friends and plugged into our many wall outlets for a pot luck dinner. One family recently said, "Having a dining room in your funeral home was a great idea."
Q: My husband/wife already made pre-arrangements, why do we have to come in? What encompasses funeral arrangements?
A: Many people come into the funeral home at some point in their lives and pick out a casket, fill out a biographical information sheet, or set up a trust. While all of these things are encouraged to relieve stress from the family at the time of the death, there are still details that need to be taken care of before we can properly plan the funeral according to your wants and needs.
Some of the many things that are completed during the funeral arrangement include: obtaining information for the Death Certificate, completing all other necessary paperwork, write an obituary, pick out merchandise (if not already selected), and set up dates and times for the visitation and funeral and coordinate those with the church.
Q: I know that there are special programs for people like me, who have lost a loved one and are trying to deal with the holidays - but, in all honesty, I am not up to it. Any ideas that could help?
A: Yes, you might consider these straightforward suggestions from Tom Ellis, Executive Director of the Center for Grief in St. Paul, Minnesota:
- Plan ahead. This will help you feel more in control. Ask yourself: Who do I really want to spend the holidays with? Balance that question with: Do I really want to be alone during the holidays?
- Be flexible. If you'd rather change the time your family goes to church services or when your family opens gifts, do so.
- Say NO with no guilt. People will understand if you can't attend parties. If you decide to go, drive your own car so you can leave when you want. If baking brings you comfort, do it. If it feels just like one more chore, give it up this year.
- Give yourself time alone. As comforting as it is to be with others, it is important that you give yourself time alone to reflects, grieve, and re-energize.
- Seek help. Even if you are not comfortable attending a support group, there are many self help books about grief available through our funeral home, libraries, and bookstores.
- Talk about your loved ones. Explore the memories. Get out the pictures. Share the stories. You may even offer a sincere toast to your loved one during the holidays.
- Reject the cliches. Among the worst: "It's been a year already. I need to get on with my life." Take all the time you need.
- Reach out.This may seem surprising, but those who have been there say the best way to move beyond the pain is to do something for others.
- Believe that time really does bring healing.
Q: How much do funerals generally cost?
A: Funerals today are about options. Part of "being prepared" is knowing the costs so you will feel comfortable with your choices. We are willing to discuss specific costs with you over the phone or in person. Advance planning helps you prepare for the expense and allows you to set aside funds over time.
We have invested in our families by having the ability to offer two convenient locations, a lunch/dining facility, a crematory, and ample parking for any sized family. Malcore Funeral Homes & Crematory offers options to fit every family of religious, cultural, and socioeconomic background.
When people talk about the cost of a funeral they often include costs that they may have incurred for expenses at the funeral home, flowers ordered through a florist, a luncheon at the funeral home or alternative facility, cemetery costs, obitiuary costs, stipends to the church, clergy, and organist. As you can see the cost of a funeral is primarily dependent on each family's specific needs.
At Malcore Funeral Homes & Crematory we have consistently priced our services at a level where we can serve families of every economical background. Additionally, we maintain a 10% discount over any competing funeral homes goods and services if the price is lower at a competing firm (General Price List from that funeral home is required).
At Malcore Funeral Homes & Crematory it is our goal to serve each family with care and compassion while offering goods and services that your family will value.
The Funeral Arrangement
Q: How many death certificates will I need?
A: A death certificate is a legal document signed by either the physician or medical examiner/coroner indicated the cause of death and other vital statistics pertaining to the decedent. The funeral director can help you prepare and file the death certficate and assist you with purchasing the certified copies. Certified copies are needed to apply for benefits due to the family, to sell or transfer ownership of property, to gain access to safety deposit boxes and bank accounts, and to receive Veteran's benefits. Additional copies may be ordered at any time through Malcore Funeral Home
When ordering certified death certificates, the following criteria should be considered when determining how many to order:
- Each Life Insurance Company
- Motor Vehicles
- Pension, IRA or other retirement benefits
- Probate of Will
- Each bank where an account is maintained
- Final Tax Return
- Stocks and Bonds
- Your own files
- Real Property
Benefits
Q: Does a veteran's family automatically receive benefits from the Veterans Administration upon death?
A: No! In America, a young man or woman can give a portion of their life to defend and protect our country and receive no benefits or flag when they die. Why? When your tour of duty was over, you were instructed to file (record) your discharge (officially called the DD-214) with the local veteran service office in the county in which you live. Many are so happy to be home, they never end up recording their discharge locally. If you did not, and you family cannot find your discharge when you die, you may not even be entitled to a flag at your funeral. There is no immediate cross-reference between an individual name and social security number that will confirm you as a veteran a at the time of your death unless you spend time in a VA hospital. This system needs fixing!
If the family cannot produce the DD-214, then our local veterans service officer will check with the county that a veteran returned to when they got out of service to see if they recorded their discharge there.
Last resort (due to privacy) is to have the family complete an SF-180 form and send the request to the National Person Records Center in St. Louis. Bottom line: any veteran who has not recorded their discharge (DD-214) with the veteran's service office in the county in which they currently reside must do so. In Brown County, call (920) 448-4450.
